So you’re first mistake is looking at a woman lustfully.
Saving files in deep directories where no one would think of finding them. But there is also an aspect of absurdity about this whole thing.
Over the years I’d made online contacts who had similar “interests” as me.
One was a practicing brother, we spoke about mutual “interests” but also Islamic things, and qadrullah we made repentance the same day as each other then told each other about it.
I deleted the porn saved on my PC and he tells me he did the same.
It feels sickening trying to make tawba for this sin, because while asking Allah to forgive me, i felt within myself (and from knowledge of past relapses) that I haven’t really given it up and would fall into it again. Some say its due to a lack of imaan, and I agree that it is, but its more complex then that. Sometimes the boost in imaan from these things keeps you off the sin for a month, other times, only a few days.
During these years in which i have sinned I have also memorized 10 juz of the Qur’an: that didn’t come easily, nor without determination, and i would bet that is more than most people who are reading this. The most helpful solution overall i found was going cold turkey with the internet: cutting it off completely.
But the internet made everything accessible to me, and i could see what i wanted and when i wanted, all in the privacy of my own home.
Another problem was that my family resisted when i suggested that i marry in my early 20s.
The value of the comments was not just limited to hearing from those who were personally experiencing these problems, including the “recovering” or the “recovered”, but more importantly, the thread likely provided a glimpse of hope and practical suggestions for the silent majority of other addicts.
I know how difficult it is to go through over 100 comments to find relevant information, so I thought it would be useful to collect some of the main points and gems from the readers.
Sisters, your husbands go to work and there are pretty women all around. What pornography offers is variety: black, white, fat, thin, tall, short, all sorts. The one thing that keeps the struggle within me alive: Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls!